Ten Commandments of DC

After four decades in D.C., I often find myself in the position of advising young people. Sometimes they wish to come here. Sometimes they want to be a spy. Sometimes they want to work on the Hill.

As a D.C. tribal elder, I view this inquiry as a privilege and a joy. It actually makes me think — sometimes — that I know what I’m talking about.

And, to be fair, I have covered a lot of ground in my time here: I went from being a CIA spy, to being a Hill staffer, to an executive Beltway bandit, and now a semi-retired college professor. In others words, I am Q-Anon’s greatest nightmare – a denizen of the ‘Deep State’ — complete with federal pension — influencing our children.

Recently a fellow long ‘Deep State’ dweller asked me what should he should tell young people coming to D.C. for the first time? What do I wish someone had told me?

The Ten Commandments of DC

I thought of ten “commandments” right off the bat. There are, no doubt, others and corollaries of others, but if Mel Brooks could live with ten — after dropping five — so could I.

1. Not everything is a crisis

Having been in a few tight spots in my life, I am reminded of guidance I received from a crusty CIA manager who had — in his words — a meteoric rise to the middle. If there is no one dead, no one wounded, no one in jail and if there is no one missing, it’s not a crisis.

It’s a problem.

And problems can be dealt with if you hold your head and don’t let the hysteria get to you.

While sitting in a foreign hotel room pinned down during a coup, I was reminded of this manager’s comment. Once the shooting stopped, I merely had a problem — like getting out of there. I did. I am here. And I have one country off my vacation list for the rest of time. 

2. Avoid staffer shit

An old boss — a former DCI — once told me: Avoid staffer shit. Some staff like to stir up problems. I’ve seen it in every public and private organization I worked for.

Some staffers love the problem and want to dump the problem in your lap.

If you’re the new young staffer, give your boss solutions not problems. They’ll love you for it, and you’ll stand above your trouble-loving colleagues.

3. You rarely solve a problem

Henry Kissinger was supposed to have said that Americans are engineers; they like to solve problems.  However — and this comes a shock — most problems don’t get solved.

Americans have been spoiled. We are also lousy at history — and we forget fast.

So, America’s societal legend repeats again and again “We beat the Axis and the USSR.” Having been born among WWII wounded veterans with PTSD and myself a hardened Cold Warrior, I know those were hard-earned triumphs and our “definitive” conclusions are based on lack of knowledge of history and the human desire for neat victories and solutions. Life does not work that way. Period.

You want to see a problem that’s not easily solved — try climate change. The very people who should be solving the problem are creating it.

So, take this to the bank: Aim for “shrinking” problems the best you can.

Find solutions that can at least stop the problem and begin rolling it back — like defeating the Axis around the world in five long, bloody years and the existential threat of the nuclear-armed Soviet Union in 40-plus years. 

4. Let’s make a deal

Anyone who tells you about the “rules” in D.C. isn’t telling you the whole story. How many times I’ve heard someone tell me that something could not be done because there were “rules.” A colleague of mine in the spy side of CIA was told taking an internship on the Hill would ruin her career. She went despite the discouraging words, found a supportive Senator, and eventually became an ambassador. And so it goes, again and again.

The whole damn town was based on a compromise by Alexander Hamilton ‘in the room where it happened.’ We traded abhorrent southern slavery for New England debt. If we can do that, we can horse trade on anything.

A small corollary — no one is down forever here. And no one is up forever. I’ve had times where my phone calls were returned immediately. I’ve had times when no one would return them. God is an accountant. It can balance off — if you weren’t a jerk. (See fifth commandment below.)

That’s why the art of the deal is so important here. And when negotiating, remember — never in the course of human history has anyone said, “You’re right, I should go ‘fudge’ myself.” Ease off on the rhetoric, and you can get at least some of what you want… if not now, then later.

5. We lease here, we don’t buy

A lot of people arrive in senior positions in this town thinking they are entitled to the job. And they act accordingly, kissing up and dumping down as they feel fit. And not planning for the inevitable transition back to civilian life. Oh, the times I have sat bemused in meetings in the Congress/Executive watching some fresh-face telling someone running a multi-billion dollar organization ‘what they should do.’

(A small corollary to this — when these “geniuses” meet you after their fall, they will act nice for a bit to determine your worth to them. I let you guess what happens when they think you can’t help them.)

Thus, for those of us who know a little Latin (told you, “Deep State”) Sic transit gloria mundi — all glory and power are fleeting. The job is temporary. And you do not want to be the sad guy with a lousy reputation roaming around D.C. trying to lobby younger people who don’t know or care about your previous career in the antiquities. You know, five years ago. Remember: lease, not buy. And keep the “apartment damage” to a minimum.

6. Few leave standing

Yes, Q-Anon, there is a Deep State: It’s far more benign than evil. But, as I tell my students — “Look left and look right: One of these two people is going to be with you for the next 30 years.” My Lord, I’m still running into people with whom I joined the agency in 1983!

Whatever you both do, we all will remember.

I can think of several people I’ve known for 30 years or more whom I would gladly accelerate my car into if I saw them alone in a parking lot. (Corollary — always have a good lawyer.) You better figure out a way to live with them no matter how irritating they are, because — surprise — they may think you a schmuck too.

7. Nobody knows everything or anything

This commandment is for my colleagues inside the intelligence business who think their customers are ignorant fools who don’t understand their brilliance — and the ones outside who think these guys are either/should be omniscient or dumb as a brick.

The answer is neither and both are correct.

Remember that intelligence is estimative, not evidentiary.  No one single report or piece of analysis is going tell you everything you need to know about a situation. The report that says Mr. A, from an unnamed foreign country, is going to blow himself up on the corner of 18^th and K at 3 p.m. — Thursday simply does not exist.

As a policymaker, use your gut and your other sources. Intelligence is the spice in the soup, not the soup itself.

And intelligence people, you gotta be humble and understand that you write more carefully than your customer is ever gonna read.

8. Follow your moral compass

One of the greatest dangers in D.C. begins with the phrase, “If you do this for me, I’ll remember you.” No — no, they won’t.

One acquaintance of mine decided to stray off the reservation and provide classified information to a reporter who was a “friend.” He then lied about it to the FBI to protect his “friend.” It did not end well for him, with a prison sentence for his troubles. (Small Corollary — Remember 18 U.S.C. 1001, biblically speaking: Thou shall not lie to the FBI.)

In short, you will be stuck with the consequences of what they have had you do.

The collective whole will cluck their tongues at your misfortune. They might even return your phone call — unless your misfortune is in the paper; then, you ain’t hearing from them.

When in doubt, there is no doubt.

In D.C., Harry Truman recommended, if you want a friend, buy a dog. Remember: Even dogs bite. 

9. You have a family

When people get fired/lose an election/otherwise vacate those leased positions they have, the departing announcement always includes the phrase “and spend more time with my family.”

The implication — and too often the truth — is they don’t do this while battling it out in the D.C. swamp. (I am as guilty of this as anyone.) Having more time after you are jettisoned is not going to immediately heal the wounds you’ve inflicted beforehand.

So, at home, put the damn I-phone down for a bit. Forget whatever “crisis” is brewing (see the first commandment) and be with them. The amount of time isn’t relevant. Be there. Listen and enjoy. Engage. They, not your temporary boss, are going to be at your death bed. They are your real legacy.

10. Have young people at your funeral and leave ‘em wanting more

Finally, speaking of funerals, the curse of each generation is they think they are irreplacable — note well, you Social Security-drawing Boomers.

And Gen X, don’t smirk, you’re next.

I know you believe the next group is a bunch of dunderhead weaklings who can’t think their way out of a wet paper bag. It might be true of some, but, in my experience — by far — mostly not.

In my belief, it is your duty when you become an elder member of the D.C. tribe to mentor young people, and then graciously step aside.

They won’t always listen to their elders’ magic words? Well, did we? 

In my humble view, in the final analysis, it is theirs to build upon what we have done. Get out and leave them wanting more.

Let that be your legacy.

Ronald A. Marks is a former CIA officer who served as Senate liaison for five CIA Directors and intelligence counsel to two Senate Majority Leaders. He currently is president of ZPN Cyber and National Security Strategies, a non-resident senior fellow at the Scowcroft Center at The Atlantic Council and visiting professor at the Schar School of Policy and Government at George Mason University.