Ann Coulter: Four myths the media and politicians tell you about our border crisis

Every single thing the mainstream media says about the border crisis is a lie.

Media Myth #1: Illegal immigration at all-time low!

Most Americans hear that and think, Trump got us out of bed for this? There are FEWER illegals coming in? 

As you might have surmised from the illegals flooding your hospitals, schools and churches, that’s a lie. According to U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP), illegals have been pouring across our border at rates not seen for more than a decade: 76,000-plus in February, 100,000-plus in March, 100,000-plus in April, 100,000 and climbing so far in May.

In fiscal 2016 — the 12 months before Trump won the presidency — an average of 46,000 illegals crossed the border each month. Today we’re taking in twice that many.

And those are just the number of “undocumented immigrants” we caught. How many are actually getting in is some multiple of the illegal aliens the Border Patrol stops.

Media Myth #2: Illegal immigrants at our border are LEGAL — because they’re asking for asylum.

This is the basis on which commentators claim that illegal immigration is lower than ever: They just reclassify anyone they don’t want to count as “a LEGAL asylum-seeker.”

From now on, we’re calling cancer “happy fun times”! Look! We’ve cured cancer!

But, wait — what are all those people dying from?

No, no, that’s nothing like cancer. It’s not even spelled the same. That’s “happy fun times.”

An illegal alien seeking asylum is still “an illegal alien.” It’s against the law to enter the country without our approval. See 8 U.S.C. 1325. Asylum is simply a defense to deportation.

We could also eliminate crime by calling convicted felons “LEGAL reversal-seekers.” Yes, a convict has a right to appeal his conviction but, until it’s reversed, he is “a convicted criminal.” 

Media Myth #3: Only 39 percent of illegals released at the border fail to appear at their hearings!

First, that still would be a lot. Second, it isn’t true. And third, it’s irrelevant: Once they’re released from custody — and they’re all released — illegal aliens are never going home.

For starters, there are a million hearings. PolitiFact boasts in a headline: “Majority of undocumented immigrants show up for court, data shows.” That statistic refers only to the first hearing — the preliminary hearing that sets court dates.

Showing up at that one just buys the illegal another year or so in America, so you’d be an idiot not to appear. And yet, about 40 percent of illegals never stroll in for the initial hearing.

It’s the next hearing, the removal hearing, where the illegal’s asylum claim is actually litigated. Another 40 percent of illegals skip that hearing.

If the illegal does drop by and loses his claim — about 85 percent do — and is ordered “removed,” then is he deported? Nope! Next he can appeal the order and get two more years, and not be counted as “illegal” in the U.S. “Happy fun times!” 

But say the illegal loses his asylum petition, loses his appeal and is ordered removed — no more review, do not pass “Go.” Is he removed? 

You haven’t been paying attention: He’s sent on his merry way — risking one-in-a-million odds that Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) will ever catch up with him and actually deport him. More like one-in-2 million odds, provided he doesn’t kill anyone in the U.S., and often even if he does.

If ICE somehow — in between fighting with sanctuary cities for custody of “undocumented” felons and gang members — catches an illegal alien with no appeals left, his home country can slow-walk his travel papers or refuse to take him altogether (somehow failing to recognize the promise he holds for their economy in the 21st century!). So what do we do then? Hold him for — at most! — 180 days. Then release him.

Who cares if a “majority” of illegals show up for the first of many pointless hearings, PolitiFact? Other than wasting a few hours of the illegal’s time now and then — and a lot of taxpayer money — what do any of the hearings accomplish? 

Obviously, the only question that matters is this: How many illegal aliens captured, and then released from custody at the border, are ever removed from our country?

Ask anyone! Ask the Department of Justice. Ask ICE. Ask America’s leading immigration expert, Jared Kushner.

The answer ranges from “We have no idea” to “None.”

ICE isn’t even trying to deport them. On the agency’s list of priorities, mere illegal aliens — who, contrary to everything you’re being told by the media, actually have broken the law by entering our country — come in at Priority No. 6, after various criminal and welfare-abusing illegal aliens.

You, the taxpayer, are spending billions of dollars, not only on baby formula, blankets and medical care for illegals but for immigration courts, Border Patrol and ICE agents. And the end result is: Illegals crossing our border are never actually deported.

Once they’re in, they’re in. Break into our country — and you are guaranteed a lifetime of support from the U.S. taxpayer!

There’s a reason we wanted a wall.

Media Myth #4: The media, the Democratic Party and 90 percent of the Republican Party genuinely want to control our border, but are deeply moved by the treatment of “undocumented” children at the border.

The truth is, they want illegals released from custody because then they’ll never leave. As Latin America’s poor discover this, more and more will come.

In addition to idiotic court rulings requiring that illegals be released after 20 days if they drag a kid with them, Congress has ensured their release by mandating that ICE have no more than 45,274 detention beds. That’s 45,274 beds for all ICE detainees — including MS-13 gang members, cop-killing illegal aliens, terrorist aliens and so on.

Every month, 100,000 illegals are crashing our border and our entire government and legal apparatus is designed to help them across, minister to their needs, then turn them loose. Their brief stay in custody is just a little R&R on the path to American welfare.

This will never, ever change. It’s why we wanted a wall.

That’s what candidate Trump pledged to do. But it’s now abundantly clear that this was an empty promise. 

You could teach a Myna bird to say the phrase “Build the Wall” by giving it a delicious cheese cracker every time it says that. The Myna bird might say that beautifully, but it will never understand the meaning of the words. It won’t have the first idea, for example, what steps to take to actually build a wall.

Throughout 2016, we gave Trump cheese crackers every time he said, “Build the Wall!” Yet, as with the Myna bird, it turns out he lacks any comprehension of what those words mean.

Ann Coulter is a lawyer, a syndicated columnist and conservative commentator, and the author of 13 New York Times bestsellers. The most recent, “Resistance Is Futile! How the Trump-Hating Left Lost Its Collective Mind,” was published in 2018.