It’s a busy Thursday in Washington, D.C. Congressional leaders are throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks in the looming government funding deadline. There are still *a lot* of moving parts and not much unity, so stay tuned. 😬  Here are some highlights today:

• The House Oversight Committee is holding its first impeachment inquiry hearing on President Biden today while congressional leaders race to avoid a shutdown.
• Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) responded to the news of the Senate passing a dress code with a Kevin James meme. (calling all “King of Queens” fans)
• Former President Trump sat out yesterday’s GOP presidential debate, and it probably doesn’t matter.

I’m Cate Martel with a quick recap of the morning and what’s coming up. Send tips, commentary, feedback and cookie recipes to cmartel@digital-stage.thehill.com. Did someone forward this newsletter to you? Sign up here.  

I kid, but you understand the sentiment. Seven presidential candidates debated on stage last night, and former President Trump, who didn’t even show up, is still running away with it.

OK, but…: Nikki Haley, Trump’s former U.N. ambassador, had a great night. Of the candidates on stage, she is the biggest winner.

Who had a mixed night?: Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie and Sen. Tim Scott (S.C.) had some good moments.

Who had the worst night?: Vivek Ramaswamy, former Vice President Mike Pence and North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum. The Hill’s Julia Manchester, Brandon Conradis and Ian Swanson explain why.

Five takeaways

Five memorable moments

The line of the night: Haley said to Ramaswamy, “Honestly every time I hear you, I feel a little bit dumber.” Her eyes were so expressive while she said this. Watch the clip

^ And this obviously became a meme: I will be bookmarking this. Photo

Tidbit: The New York Times’s Carlos Lozada pointed out that Haley wrote a very complimentary blurb on the back of one of Ramaswamy’s books. Photo

The debate set was pretty incredible: Photo

Omg, who chose this Trump photo for this Vox story?: “The Republican debate is a fake, pointless spectacle.” It’s very funny. Photo

OK, team, can we stop making references of who is sleeping with whom?: Former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie took a swipe at first lady Jill Biden’s status as a teachers’ union member. “And when you have the president of the United States sleeping with a member of the teachers unions, there is no chance that you can take the stranglehold away…” Former Vice President Mike Pence later said, “My wife isn’t a member of the teachers union, but I’ve got to admit, I’ve been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years. Full disclosure.” The full back-and-forth

Christie egged on Trump: Christie turned to the camera, talked directly to Trump and called him “Donald Duck.” If I’m being honest, it didn’t feel particularly spontaneous, but you can tell Christie was proud of his joke. Watch the clip

Well, look who it is: @ryanbeckwith pointed out an ad for President Biden airing during the debate. Screenshot

Interesting tidbit from a moderator: Fox News’s Dana Perino said, “I don’t have a memorable line that comes to mind” when thinking about the debate. Watch her postmortem from the debate

The federal government could shut down in two days if Congress doesn’t find a path forward. And I have to be honest, it’s not looking great.

Where things stand: “In the House, Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) is continuing his attempt to push full-year funding bills through while marching toward a vote on a short-term funding patch before Sept. 30. But at least one of the full-year bills — and the stopgap measure — are in trouble … In the Senate, lawmakers will take another procedural vote on a bipartisan continuing resolution (CR) as they scramble to avoid a government shutdown.” (The Hill)

Things were tense this morning: Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) asked “the speaker if he’s paying social media influencers to do bad posts about him on social media, per source in room. McCarthy responds along lines of how he wouldn’t waste his time/money on him, source says.” (From Politico’s Olivia Beavers)

This tidbit should tell us a lot: Punchbowl News’s Jake Sherman reports that President Biden and McCarthy have not spoken amid the funding scramble.

How to follow along: Here’s our live blog of updates

The Hill’s Emily Brooks reports that “Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) is running short on viable options to get House Republicans some wins while averting a shutdown.” The options and roadblocks left for McCarthy

‘Democrats dismiss McCarthy calls for Biden to deal on government shutdown’: (The Hill)

• ‘U.S. government starts notifying federal employees a shutdown may be imminent’: (The Washington Post)
• What a government shutdown actually means: (NBC News)
• A shutdown would especially affect D.C.: (DCist)
• How it would affect the military: (The Hill)
• How it could affect fall travel plans: (The Hill)
• What benefits could be affected: (The New York Times)

The House Oversight Committee is also holding its first hearing today in the President Biden impeachment inquiry. Livestream

Photo of the room

The Senate voted Wednesday to reinstate a business dress code on the floor of the Senate after backlash grew following Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer’s (D-N.Y.) decision to loosen the rules to accommodate Sen. John Fetterman’s (D-Pa.) signature athleisure look.

Fetterman’s reaction to the vote: He issued a statement with a Kevin James meme. The meme in lieu of a statement

The Washington Post’s Dave Jorgenson posted that same Kevin James gif in response to GOP presidential candidate Chris Christie calling former President Trump “Donald Duck.” The post

🍓 Celebrate: Today is National Strawberry Cream Pie Day!

🥛 Well, look who celebrated National Chocolate Milk Day yesterday!: Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) posted a photo on Instagram, “It’s times like these that make you want a drink. #ChocolateMilkDay”

🧸 You can watch an animated version of a Sunday NFL game: Sunday’s Falcons-Jaguars game in London will be simulcasted in Andy’s room of the Toy Story world. It will air on Disney+. I found this promo helpful to understand how it will work: Watch

🌅 Wow, this is STUNNING: The National Weather Service Greenville-Spartanburg posted a photo of a sunset in North Carolina earlier this week. “Mercy!!” the Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore commented. Photo

The Hill’s Brad Dress writes “why the Pentagon’s ‘killer robots’ are spurring major concerns.”

Explain: “As the Defense Department is pushing aggressively to modernize its forces using fully autonomous drones and weapons systems, critics fear the start of a new arms race that could dramatically raise the risk of mass destruction, nuclear war and civilian casualties.”

For context: “[T]here are no international treaties governing the use of these weapons, and human rights groups are uneasy about Washington’s ethical guidelines on AI-powered systems and whether they will offer any protection against an array of humanitarian concerns.” The full read is pretty fascinating

The House and Senate are in. President Biden is in Arizona and Vice President Harris is in Florida. (all times Eastern)

• 2:40 p.m.: Harris speaks at Florida International University. U.S. Small Business Administrator Isabel Guzman also speaks. 📺 Livestream

  2:45 p.m.: Biden delivers remarks honoring the late Sen. John McCain. 📺 Livestream

  4 p.m.: First House votes. Last votes are expected around 10:30 p.m. 🗓️ Today’s agenda

  4 p.m.: Federal Reserve Board Chair Jerome Powell hosts a town hall with educators. 📺 Livestream

  4:45 p.m.: Biden participates in a campaign reception in Phoenix and then returns to Washington, D.C.

  6 p.m.: Harris speaks at a campaign reception and then returns to Washington, D.C.

However good or bad your day is, just be happy you’re not the chair that angered this panda.