Krystal Ball: Wall Street has no place in Democratic Party

Opinion by: Krystal Ball 

Another day, another delightful selection of Wall Street donors panicking about the direction of the Democratic party. Pairs beautifully with a full-bodied wealth tax and a side of rent control. God bless CNBC for providing a consistent venue for these little Wall Street freak-outs.

Here we go: Wall Street democratic donors warn the party: we’ll sit out, or back trump, if you nominate Elizabeth Warren

Ah, yes. In the grand tradition of “Democrats” like Donny Deutsch who spends every morning talking about how much he hates Trump only to go on and proclaim that he would support Trump over Bernie, these wall street donors just can’t stomach the idea that the Democratic Party might not be 100% their plaything. Alright from the article, here’s the money quote: “you’re in a box because you’re a Democrat and you’re thinking, ‘ want to help the party, but she’s going to hurt me, so I’m going to help President Trump.”

They may tax us? Heavens no! I was all in for the woke signaling but what if I have to switch from private to netjet? The humanity!

Seriously though. This quote is everything. Every single word is worth savoring. Let’s start from the beginning.

“you’re in a box because you’re a democrat.” it should be a source of deepest shame and horror to any *real* democrat that these people ever saw themselves in the party. Thanks a lot corporate dems for ever inviting these people into the tent. Say it with me folks: “I welcome their hatred!” needless to say, if you are thinking of backing the guy who orphans children at our border because your taxes might go up, you are probably not really a Democrat. Or at least, not a Democrat in any sense of what I would like that word to mean.

Next up in our glorious quote: “I want to help the party.” I think our friend Ryan Grim covered this portion quite effectively in this tweet:

These ghouls wanted to “help” the party the same way ebola wants to help your body — devour it, ditch the carcass and move on to the next host. Love that. Yes, they want to help the party sell out to the highest bidder and prioritize cutting social security. You know guys we’re good on that. Thanks though.

And finally, “She’s going to hurt me, so I’m going to help President Trump.” This line is maybe the most telling of all. These people don’t socialize with one single person who supports Bernie Sanders. They probably only interact with Bernie supporters as service underlings rather than actual humans. So it has never occurred to them that Bernie could possibly win. Can you imagine that freakout? They might actually threaten to leave the country and not just the party if they actually thought Sanders might be president. Warren who has risen by promising to be a team player and putting in her phone calls to HRC, that Elizabeth Warren is terrifying enough for them. And dear god, their daughter supports warren. Their wife has a friend who supports warren and deep down they know that their wife is lying to them about her support for Pete Buttigieg. The thought that anyone in their small circle supports radical ideas like not destroying the planet is almost too much to bare.

It’s really a bind these poor Wall Street donors find themselves in. They may be sneered at at Davos if they back Trump but they may have to slightly subsidize a poor person’s health care if they back the Democrat. It’s really a sophie’s choice type scenario. So look guys, I think you owe it to yourself to start a new party where all .1% of you can congregate. You can do just enough good to feel good but not enough good to actually be good. You can go to convenings like this one described in maybe my favorite tweet of all time

Just got back from the centrist rally. Amazing turnout. Thousands of people holding hands and chanting “better things aren’t possible”

You can hire pollsters to test attacks on Medicare for All to your heart’s content and fantasize about the secret majority which will be galvanized by cutting the debt. And by all banding together in one small, completely ineffectual, powerless party, you can leave the rest of us alone to actually get some shit done.

And in a totally unrelated news item that surely has nothing to do with everything I was just talking about, inequality has now surged to its highest level in history. Honestly guys, looks to me like you’ve already accomplished your mission. Time to pack it up and move on.

Rip Democratic Wall Street Donor.