Monica Does Karl

Monica — it’s a name that for a generation will be associated with Lewinsky or the anal-retentive, type-A character on the show “Friends.” So perhaps this is why Monica Hesse, staff writer for The Washington Post, who clearly has a chip on her shoulder, chose to write on Sunday, Aug. 12, a derogatory, condescending article about the name “Fred,” as in Fred Thompson.

Monica dissected Thompson’s first name with the scalpel of Urbandictionary.com (because what staff writer at the Post doesn’t use Urbandictionary.com as a primary source?), writing that “a ‘Fred’ is defined as ‘a person who does stupid, annoying, or idiotic things’ (Fred Flintstone, Fred Mertz). The best-case descriptors a Fred can hope for are terms like well-intentioned, predictable, benign (Fred Rogers).” The article goes downhill from there, concluding that Fred Thompson isn’t “ugly-sexy,” he’s “stodgy-sexy.” Truly, a low point on the pages of the Post.

Today, the Gray Lady found space to publish another gem from staff writer Monica, who deconstructs Karl Rove’s use of the word “mob” — as in, “I’m not going to stay or leave based on whether it pleases the mob.”

Oh, the offense dear Monica takes at this statement. Once again, she quotes directly from the dictionary (this time, Oxford University Press) to round out the sharp corners of her cutting insight into the mind of Karl Rove and his calculated use of the word “mob.” Why, she even calls up the editor of the OUP American dictionaries for a quote to confirm her theory that Rove used the word pejoratively.

Yes, he used the word “mob” pejoratively. Good heavens, do we really need a staff writer calling dictionary editors to figure this out? Monica — acting rather like a Lewinsky — misses the point of who the mob is. Let’s see, could it be Democrats in Congress who’ve used every angle possible to have the man indicted and hauled off to prison in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs? Could it be the media, which to this day never misses an opportunity to convict Karl Rove of unspeakable crimes on their editorial pages?

Democrats and the media have indeed been the “disorderly and riotous part of the population” (to quote Monica who quotes the dictionary), so consumed with their Get Karl obsession that they foam at the mouth when he walks away on his terms, not theirs.

Monica’s indignation at the use of the word “mob” is all the more hypocritical when you consider that Democrats and the media both went to bed Monday night congratulating themselves for chasing the bastard out of town.

I guess the real question is whether the mob chased Karl Rove out of the White House or if he simply brushed himself off and walked away — like Jason Bourne, knowing the mob will come after him again, and knowing he’s got what it takes to fight them off.

Happy trails, Karl Rove.