Campaign Baubles

I have always gotten a kick out of the fascination entertainers and politicians hold for each other. It’s understandable that candidates hook up with their fellow show-biz performers.

But still: Oprah Winfrey on the trail for Barack Obama is big news. Really big news. We are talking the queen of empathy here. It confirms what we already suspected. This campaign is not about substance. It’s about feelings.

Right now, the other candidates’ handlers are feeling a little nervous. So the calls have gone out for their stars from the galaxy of movies and TV, so they too can draw crowds to see their eye candy.

Actually, Hillary doesn’t need anyone. She’s already got Bill out there feeling the same kind of pain Oprah does. And now Barbra Streisand can also tag along to make sure it doesn’t rain on the parade.

As for the others, there are some real naturals. Rudy Giuliani, for instance, has a perfect fit. Of course I’m referring to Jerry Springer. I can’t say this for a fact, but I’m betting Giuliani has been on at least one of Springer’s programs. (“Coming up: Presidential candidates who have been cross-dressers!”) With his story line, Rudy could do a good week of Springer shows. It’s true Pat Robertson is already on board, so there’s someone for any taste.

Fred Thompson? After all those episodes of “Law & Order,” we’ll probably see him out there with Judge Judy … on those rare occasions when we see him out there at all.

Let’s not overlook Mike Huckabee. He certainly wouldn’t want anyone from the Food Channel. Besides, Chuck Norris has already signed on. It could be the “Vote for Mike or I’ll Beat the Crap Out of You” campaign.

There’s no way to ignore Mitt Romney and his “Buy Iowa” cavalcade. The problem is it’s hard to decide who would be his best match. Would it be someone who hosts an exercise program like “Aerobic Flip-flopping”? Perhaps, but my guess is he’ll want to keep the focus on his squeaky-clean act. In that case, there’s only one choice. Martha Stewart, of course. Would that qualify as community service?

And now we learn that Ron Paul has received an endorsement of a brothel owner in Nevada. Is it possible that he’ll soon be accompanied to events by the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, uh, staff? One can only hope. Can you imagine all the sudden press coverage?

Let’s weigh the choices here: Oprah or the “Bunnies.” No contest. See ya around, Barack.