Lite Observations on the GOP
My dad used to say, “If a little is good, a lot is better” — usually in reference to the handful of Rolaids he was chewing. It looks like the Romney for President campaign has picked up on my dear father’s words of wisdom:
“The more [voters] look at these top three guys as presidential contenders, the more they will look at the differences between them. The only thing better than a little Mitt Romney is a lot of Mitt Romney.” (Alex Castellanos, Romney media adviser)
I don’t have a horse in this race (so far), but I have to agree with Castellanos’s sentiment. The more I see and hear from Romney, the more impressed I am with him as a leader. He strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn’t panic or overreact. I like that quality in a guy who can declare war and bomb people. It’s so …James Bond. Capable of delivering that fatal blow, but tempered enough to know when — and when not — to do it.
My only real reservation about Romney is his Mormonism. No, not for theological reasons, but for the sheer fact that this man was born to wear a smoking jacket and ascot. It breaks my heart to see him in a suit and tie. If he could just be caught on camera drinking a martini, I think his poll numbers would triple overnight.
As for the rest of the GOP contenders, here’s how I would script their next debate:
McCain wears a monocle, Joe Piscopo resurrects his career by standing in for Sam Brownback, and Huckabee lets rip a loud, “Well, gaaaaaaawwwww-leee,” a la Gomer Pyle. Romney looks directly at the camera and holds up a pack of Orbit chewing gum while flashing a big, bright smile. And Giuliani, well, he brings a bullwhip and cracks it at the moderator a few times, just so everyone knows he’s in charge. Every other candidate on stage falls through a trapdoor after being introduced. Who needs ‘em?