Six GOP debate high-school superlatives

By now, you’ve probably read all about who “won” the GOP debates — who had the best moments, who will get a bump in the polls — so instead of picking winners and losers, I rewatched the debate on my DVR, I combed through The Washington Post‘s debate transcript and I singled out some superlatives.

Most likely to be mistaken for President Reagan: This one goes to former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, with her poise, seriousness, specifics and unwavering confidence. Fiorina came off as the most prepared candidate on either debate stage. Her answers were the most substantive, and she seemed the most presidential. She has a true gift for speaking because she’s one of those rare people whose mind moves faster than their mouth. She was fitting two minutes’ worth of thoughts into every 30 seconds and wrapping those thoughts in rhetoric that soared higher than any other candidate’s. With the possible exception of Sen. Marco Rubio (Fla.), she was the only one who sounded like she was already president.

{mosads}Most likely to put troops in harm’s way: This one goes to Sen. Lindsey Graham (S.C.) for being the biggest foreign policy hawk on either stage and for appealing to the all-but-extinct neoconservative wing of the Republican Party.

When he was asked, “How do you get Americans who are able to take the job instead of a handout?” he said in paragraph four of his answer, “If I have to monitor a mosque, I’ll monitor a mosque. If I have to take down a cyber wall, I’ll take it. If I have to send more American troops to protect us here, I will do it.”

When asked about women’s healthcare, he said in paragraph two of his answer, “If I am president of the United States, we’re going to send soldiers back to Iraq, back to Syria, to keep us from being attacked here and keep soldiers in Afghanistan because we must.”

On topics both foreign and domestic, Graham was reminding Americans that he would send troops to the Middle East.

Most likely to think ahead: This one goes to former Gov. Rick Perry (Texas) for deciding halfway through the debate that he wanted Fiorina in his Cabinet. “I will tell you one thing. I would a whole lot rather had Carly Fiorina over there doing our negotiation than [Secretary of State] John Kerry. Maybe we would’ve gotten a deal where we didn’t give everything away.”

After last night, I think we’re more likely to see Perry serving at the pleasure of President Fiorina than the other way around.

Least likely to be mistaken for a politician: We’ve heard over and over that Donald Trump is striking a chord with voters because Americans are fed up with career politicians, but Trump seemed just as much a politician to me as anyone else on the stage. He dodged specifics, as usual, and had an arsenal of logical fallacies at his disposal. So, this one goes to Dr. Ben Carson. He’s the only person on the face of the Earth who can brag about being the first person ever to separate “Siamese twins” joined at the head. I actually did a Google search to see if I could find any political analysts who were angry that he said “Siamese twins” instead of “conjoined twins.” I couldn’t find any, but it’s still early. Thanks to him, they are neither “Siamese twins” nor “conjoined twins,” so maybe he gets a free pass.

If nothing else, hearing Carson’s world-class medical accomplishments has to be humbling for the career politicians on the stage.

Most likely to send the moderators a big fruit basket: This one goes to Gov. Chris Christie (N.J.) because there were a lot of tough questions that threw the candidates’ biggest mistakes to date right back in their faces — but the George Washington Bridge lane closure (a.k.a., “Bridgegate”) never came up.

Least likely to send the moderators a big fruit basket: Trump, who was called out early and often. On “Fox & Friends,” he said of the pledge question, “That question was aimed at me, which I didn’t think was appropriate.” I guess he thinks he’s the only one who doesn’t “have time for political correctness.”

The next GOP debate will be held on Sept. 16, and I’m fully expecting to see Carly Fiorina promoted to the prime-time stage.

Zipperer is assistant professor of political science at Georgia Military College. Follow him on Twitter @eddiezipperer.