In campaign for 2016, bridesmaids revisited

As the plethora of presidential candidates continues to swell, sending debate planners into conniptions and launching heavy breathing over meaningless polls, the lineups of both parties feature what has become a political certainty: one-time presidential nomination hopefuls taking another shot to win it all.

Or, as they are sometimes dubbed: bridesmaids.

So let’s clear up something right now: there are bridesmaids, there are maids of honor and then there are others. Please — in a campaign that will no doubt be filled with rhetoric, bloviation and Pinocchio-worthy “facts,” it is imperative that we get the language of the horse race and its jockeys (whoops, wrong cliche) correct before the first cattle call debate (darn, wrong cliche again).

Those who ran for a nomination before and came in second — the runner-ups — have received the sobriquet of “bridesmaids.” That is not fair nor accurate.

{mosads}Those individuals should be called the “maid of honor.” The other seekers of the nomination — those also-rans — are the bridesmaids and part of a larger wedding party.

Therefore, the maids-of-honor running in 2014 are former Sen. Rick Santorum (Pa.) and former Gov. Mike Huckabee (Ark.) in the Republican contest and Hillary Clinton in the Democratic contest. And unlike past contests — think Republicans Alan Keyes, Steve Forbes and former Rep. Ron Paul (Texas) — there are few bridesmaids back in the hunt. In fact, only one so far: former Gov. Rick Perry (Texas).

For decades now, being the maid of honor has been a pretty good spot for Republican hopefuls.

President Reagan was maid of honor to President Ford in 1976 and became the nominee in 1980. President George H.W. Bush was second to Reagan in 1980 and was the nominee in 1988. Then-Sen. Bob Dole (Kan.) trailed Bush in 1988 and was the nominee in 1996.

Pat Buchanan was a distant maid of honor in 1996 and here the process got tweaked a little. He wound up being a presidential nominee in 2000, but of the Reform Party. Meanwhile, one Republican who had been urged by some GOP leaders to run that same year — then-Texas Gov. George W. Bush — became a de facto maid of honor and was the nominee in 2000.

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) caught the bouquet from Bush in 2000 and became the 2008 nominee. Former Gov. Mitt Romney (R-Mass.) was declared the runner-up to McCain in 2008 and became the 2012 nominee.

Now, by comparison, Democrats have avoided bridesmaids revisited. It looked like it would happen in 1988 with then-Sen. Gary Hart (Colo.), who was the maid of honor to Vice President Walter Mondale in 1984, but his out-of-wedding actions caused him to leave the race.

However, 2016 looks to be historic as the maid of honor magic shifts from the GOP to the Democrats. Clinton was the runner-up to Barack Obama in 2008 and now she seems to be on the red-carpet walk to the nomination.

By comparison, the two Republican maids of honor, Huckabee and Santorum, both come with asterisks and low standings in the polls. One could argue they are maids of honor by technicalities.

Running again is an honored presidential hopeful tradition. Among actual nominees, think New York Gov. Thomas Dewey and President Nixon for the Republicans, Illinois Gov. Adlai Stevenson and William Jennings Bryan for the Democrats, businessman Ross Perot of the Reform Party, Eugene V. Debs for the Socialists, Earl Dodge of Prohibition Party and consumer advocate Ralph Nader. And then there was the all-time bridesmaid champ, Minnesota Gov. Harold Stassen for the Republicans, seeking the GOP nod a record 10 times and Republican Sen. Robert Taft of Ohio (son of a president), who came close to being nominated twice.

This year, we already have a one repeater, Jill Stein for the Green Party. So traditions continue.

It is important to note that one can move from being a bridesmaid to the maid of honor. These are not static positions. Dole was one of many bridesmaids in 1980. Reagan was third in the 1968 nomination race. Sen. George McGovern (D-S.D.) was a last-minute bridesmaid in 1968 and then the Democratic nominee in 1992.

There are other quirks. Ron Paul was actually a presidential nominee in 1988, for the Libertarian Party, before running for the GOP nomination twice. Alabama Gov. George Wallace was the 1968 nominee of the American Independent Party, while seeking the Democratic nomination three times.

To further clarify, we should not stop at bridesmaids and maid of honor when the 2016 field offers us many more opportunities for precision.

Take Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), who has been at John McCain’s side in two presidential races and beyond. He deserves a special recognition, such as the “best man.”

Maybe Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) could be the ring bearer, since his father was already an actual nominee.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), with his remarks about Vice President Biden, is the only choice for that groomsman who gives the worst, tasteless toast at the reception. Let’s embrace Rick Perry’s new look with his cool eyeglasses and put him center stage as lead singer for the band, where he can channel Buddy Holly. Oh, and by all means, we can bet that Donald Trump is a cinch to catch the garter as he makes a fourth run.

Now, about the matter flummoxing debate planners facing too many candidates and not knowing whom to include. Just do what they do at old-fashioned weddings and stick them at the kids’ table. Then put former Rhode Island Gov. Lincoln Chafee (D) there to teach them the metric system.

Meanwhile, Perry can sing “That’ll Be the Day” — because we all know for most of them, it is going to be just a song.

An editorial error relating to Vice President Walter Mondale’s 1984 candidacy has been corrected.

Squitieri is an award-winning reporter and communications veteran and an adjunct professor at Washington and Jefferson College.