Making the World Safe for Democracy, One Fry at a Time

House Republicans have cut and run from one of their top national priorities, as the congressional cafeteria Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast reverted back to their original, unpatriotic nomenclature – French Fries and French Toast.

“Clearly, this turn of events has cast our nation out of the frying pan and into the fire,” said House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi. “Considering the Republican Party has based its foreign policy and homeland security strategy on the naming of fast-food items, it is shocking that they would waffle on one of their most pressing agenda points.”

In March 2003, Congressmen Bob Ney and Walter Jones bravely shoved aside time-wasting issues, such as putting together a realistic plan for victory in Iraq, in order to peel the façade away from a critical threat that was hiding in our midst. Thankfully, these brave, selfless solons led the charge on fried spuds and egg-battered toast and mashed the problem in its tracks.

Now the perils of pommes frites and pain perdu have reared their head once again to chip away at our national character. One can only hope that the Republicans will have the courage to once more grab this hot potato and put the concerns of the American people to rest. We need to send a loud, clear, crisp message to the world. With ketchup.