Saving Planet Earth, 7 Bullet Points at a Time

As Comic Book Guy would say, “Worst … pledge … ever.”

• Demand that my country join an international treaty within the next two years that cuts global warming pollution by 90 percent in developed countries and by more than half worldwide in time for the next generation to inherit a healthy earth.
• Take personal action to help solve the climate crises by reducing my own C02 pollution as much as I can and offsetting the rest to become “carbon neutral.”
• Fight for a moratorium on the construction of any new generating facility that burns coal without the capacity to safely trap and store the C02.
• Work for a dramatic increase in the energy efficiency of my home, workplace, school, place of worship and means of transportation. 
• Fight for laws and policies that expand the use of renewable energy sources and reduce dependence on oil and coal.
• Plant new trees and to join with others in preserving and protecting forests.
• Buy from businesses and support leaders who share my commitment to solving the climate crises and building a sustainable, just and prosperous world for the 21st century.

Honestly, can’t Al Gore afford an ad agency to help him write this stuff? Or is he such a smarty-pants micro-manager that he had to draft this mind-numbingly boring pledge himself? And before Brent Budowsky chimes in to tell us all how brilliant Gore is and how meaningful and impactful this pledge is, let’s keep in mind that Gore was asking people at a ROCK CONCERT to agree to his seven points. C’mon! Beer-drinking concertgoers taking a pledge about international treaties?

Here’s another doozey: “dramatic increase in energy efficiency in my … place of worship” — uh, I dunno, kinda leaves the Satanists out of the loop, doesn’t it? Hell is soooo heat-inefficient.

This dreary, bureaucratic “pledge” only confirms my suspicion that Al Gore is not really a human being but rather some sort of government pod creature who’s come to earth to suck the life and fun out of every party.